Soft September: How my Not-So-Hot Girl Summer Led to the Sweetest Fall

“Yep, that’s me. You may be wondering how I ended up in this situation…”

A few of my character traits that are double-edged swords:

1. I love summer. I say this confidently having been raised in the blistering, unforgiving heat and humidity of Houston, Texas. I will endure dewy foreheads and chafing thighs if it means months of sundresses, days at the pool, and unlimited mangonadas. 
2. I am relentlessly goal oriented. Some days I am convinced that if a stranger accessed my planner and wrote “Run a Half Marathon” on a random date, I would not question it and instead begin training dutifully. 
3. There is an embarrassingly long list of physical challenges I will complete for a free t-shirt. 

With these crucial context clues, it is actually quite simple to understand how I ended up registering for and completing the Chicago Triathlon this year. After another grueling Chicago winter, I was tired of indoor workouts and ready to move around outside. A lot. I also have had a goal of becoming a real swimmer for at least a decade. And finally, name a enneagram type 3 (whose childhood was punctuated by academic and athletic endeavors) who doesn’t enjoy adding another medal to her collection? I’ll wait.

Needless to say, my summer schedule came out hot! Instead of lounging on the beach, I found myself gasping in between laps at the gym’s pool. My triathlon training plan required training for each of the three sports at least twice a week, but of course, that was not enough for me. Unable to shake the paranoia of not completing the swim , I upped my swimming to three times weekly, and hired a private swim coach just to make extra sure. While my athletic goals were on ramping, I also was determined to make up for the social plans lost during the coldest months in the city. The result was quite a few weekends full of brunches, picnics, happy hours, and dinner parties. Finally, with a slightly altered work schedule and student loan repayments resuming, I decided to add a few extra days of dentistry on the weekend, even convincing myself to work five Saturdays in a row at one point. 

At the risk of sounding super cliche, I was one burned out girly. Ironically, I experienced the opposite of the results I expected. With hours of triathlon training multiple times a week, I expected to sleep sound as a baby at the end of the day. Whether it was excess cortisol or crippling anxiety I cannot say, but I spent most nights tossing and turning restlessly. Although I knew I was exercising hard and eating mindfully, the number on the scale only increased (and my clothes were still snug). I loved catching up with my friends, but I often left with no energy for the hobbies I was hoping to foster, or even just time to loaf around. And while working more was beneficial to my finances, I wasn’t so sure it was worth how utterly exhausted I felt every weekend. 

On August 27th, I completed the Chicago Triathlon, which ironically turned into a duathlon as the swim portion, the sport into which I had thrown my best efforts for 4 months, was cancelled. I still felt incredibly accomplished at learning how to swim and conquer my open water fears, but I feel like the Lord was giving me a solid nudge with the change of plans. It was difficult coming to terms that my best intentions to have a physically challenging and mentally enriching summer of goal-smashing backfired in the worst way. In all my efforts to do incredible things all summer, I forgot that I was called to be a human BEing, not a human DOing. My hot girl summer was well, not.

The week before the race, I told myself that I would give my all to the competition, and then take a month to reset. I needed to rest (both physically and mentally), and I never wanted to feel like I was on an endless hamster wheel of trying ever again. Thus, I resolved to complete what I coined as a “Soft September”. I intended for this month to be restorative, refreshing,  and a reminder that I was not designed to do all the things, all the time. This was one of the best months of the year for me, so I thought I would share a little of how it went. 

Habits I prioritized during my Soft September: 

I slept in and napped. A lot. 

And on the seventh day, God finished his work that he had done. So God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it God rested from all his work that he had done in creation. - Genesis 2:2-3 ESV

I would never admit it aloud, but sometimes I must think I have to be busier than God. Once I have my mind set to a goal (or twelve, give or take), I really struggle to prioritize them. Suddenly, everything on my to-do list seems like a huge fire, and no meal, rest, or interaction is worth sacrificing productivity time. Then I am humbly reminded that the Lord, who neither sleeps nor slumbers, chose to rest after making creation. Not because crafting  the Amalfi Coast really left him sore, or because he was out of breath after He made the Pacific Ocean. No, he rested because He could, and so that we can follow his example. While I didn’t let the absolutely necessary things like bills and work responsibilities slack, I was surprised to learn that life went on just fine when I ignored all those seemingly urgent tasks and goals during September. 

I ditched my to-do lists, and  spent time relaxing with no agenda. 

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. - Proverbs 16:9 NIV

Part of the challenge of knowing my identity in Christ is knowing that I have a chance to represent his goodness with my work. But I often forget (or live as though I forget) that Jesus was not afraid to take purposeful detours on his way to the cross. He intentionally traveled through Samaria to encourage an outcast woman. He isolated himself to pray even with crowds waiting around for him. And if the man with the most important plans could pivot, I certainly can. During my soft September, I did my best to keep  my evenings and weekends free. Not so I could practice guitar more, or squeeze in an extra workout, but so I could just be. Earlier this year, my husband and I were fortunate to travel to Europe for my birthday, and one of our favorite days was our lazy day in Florence, Italy. We had no scheduled activities, and yet the day ended up being so full of everything we loved. We woke up slowly, relished a sir down breakfast, strolled the streets, and read books in a cafe for hours. Upon reflection, I realized that all of those relaxing activities are accessible right here at home! I tried to bring my Florence mindset back to Chicago during Soft September, and the result was that I enjoyed some wonderful teas, read multiple incredible books, and felt relaxed enough to let my day’s happenings reveal themselves as they came. 

I paid attention. 

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him?Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor. - Psalm 8:3-5 

It only takes an indescribably intricate sunrise or sunrise to remind yourself of how artistic, creative, and simply big God is. In the midst of tracking calories and planning meals and workouts, I had forgotten what it felt like to just observe and relish the life around me. During my Soft September, I was able to take stock of what actually felt good to me. Although I definitely enjoyed television and social media, I also realized that after an hour of scrolling or gazing, I felt more tired than when I first sat on the couch. when I took a break from my industrial-esque meal-prepping assembly line, I noticed that I actually enjoy cooking and baking when I can take my time , and I especially love crafting a meal if the dish had a strong cultural tie to my childhood or brings a smile to a loved one’s face. And while I consider myself somewhat of a lyric database, I appreciated that when I listened to instrumental music (or no music at all), there was more space for ideas to stretch inside my mind and inspire my writing and other projects. (More on the power of experiencing thoughts when the music is off here). I really appreciated the reminder that because we are made in the image of God, the same God who made the most breathtaking mountain ranges and ocean views, we are innately creative. My Soft September helped clear some space for that creativity to shine. 

Realistically, there are some seasons that will simply be busier. Birthdays, anniversaries, funerals, don’t necessarily spread themselves out at the most convenient times. Additionally, I am learning that I truly enjoy training for  and completing races, not for record-breaking times (I am very slow, y’all), but for all the mental discoveries and time spent in creation along the way.  Even with a humbled spirit postured towards resting in the Lord and not towards conquering my massive to-do lists, and even after relishing in the sweetest Soft September, I know my future will have times in which I find myself overbooked. I am the furthest from perfect, but my God is perfect in all his ways. Once I accepted Christ’s beautiful gift of salvation, I made the choice to stop trying to do everything in my own strength. I can exhale freely knowing that with the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, I can keep growing towards a balanced life that pleases Him. That life  is one that is sustained and measured not by how much I accomplish or how full my calendar is, but one that reflects the glory and power and the love of the Father. And that is a life worth resting for.